Living Social had a once in a lifetime deal this weekend. Pay $70 dollars and you get to take a low fat cooking class featuring Hip Hop virtuoso Biz Markie. If you are a fervent reader of my blog then you must know that meeting him (AGAIN) was a long time coming. I felt it was also happenstance that he was teaching a cooking class. For We, The Eaters I need to have some cerebral intelligence when it comes to cooking up a storm.
Biz Markie taught me how to satay, marinade, use a mixer properly and to stir fry like a normal person. He’s a true bon vivant who knew exactly what he was doing.
Nevertheless, I came to class 10 minutes late and was stuck in the back row with this complacent hipster couple. Why does Living Social always have pretentious people? First it was Sadistic Sean and now it was the invidious hipster lady with uneven black bangs and her beau, Yes-man Stan! Maybe if I came 20 minutes earlier, I would’ve been seated within eye-shot of Biz?
Anyways, taking this class was some sort of panacea for me since it helped me become a somewhat better chef yet, simultaneously, being in the same room as Biz was also like Shangri-La! Biz Markie is my fave Hip Hop artist of all time and I got to take a freaken cooking class with him. Lucky me!
Around 7:10 p.m, Biz Markie walked in, stared at everyone with a blank stare and started to work on his Low Fat Chicken Satay with Peanut Sauce. Instructions were easy since the chicken was pre-cooked and all I had to do was combine dry and wet ingredients into a tiny sauce dish. Done and done.
The second recipe, the Sugar Free Lemon Ginger Cupcakes, was fraught with comical errors since I barely glanced at my recipe. I wanted to follow the tv screen (I was THAT far in the back) and do exactly what Biz was doing. My goodness, that man has fast hands and was annoyed with the audience’s silence. Intermittently, he would bark at the crowd to speak and to see if everyone was doing ok.
I was too far in the back to shout out : “No Biz, no I am not okay!”
After that baking fiasco, I am rueful for forgetting the agave syrup. The cupcakes were not edible and my boyfriend emitted a yuck face after he ate what I made. Drats! Conversely, Biz taught me how to even up my wet and dry ingredient when it came to blending both together. He told the students to pour 1/3 of the flour, and 1/3 of the pudding mix at a time. When you isolate and mix particular ingredients together, you are able to espouse a better product.
The third recipe, the Light Cream Cheese Icing, would’ve been a better success if invidious hipster lady gave me space to use the mixer. I had ample practice with a mixer at home when I baked dozens of goodies but no matter what I said, she gave me a smug looked, chortled and took up space. Drats!
The last recipe, which was the Low- Fat Shrimp and Veggie Stir Fry, was a success since I ignored the invidious hipster couple’s dubious assistance. I trusted my gut instinct, paid close attention to Biz Markie, and was able to make a delicious meal. Biz taught me how to caramelize garlic, and cook veggies and shrimp appropriately. I’ve never cooked shrimp before but now I feel confident in doing so.
After the cooking session concluded, everyone marshalled into an even queue, waiting to get a picture with Biz himself. I was imbued with anxiety since I botched up our first meeting in July 4, 2011. I was so scared he’d dislike me. But when I slowly walked up to him, I waved nervously at him and asked to give him a big hug! He agreed and gave me a warm smile. We took two pictures and I told Biz that I loved him and Biz said he loved me back!
My boyfriend chimed in that this meeting has made my year and Biz just walked away abruptly. I finally got a special moment with Biz, and it’s a moment that will leave an indelible print in my heart, soul and blog.